Honeydoo list

M■ By Dave Porter / Contributed

y wife is one of those people who gets things done. I like to get things started. Finishing is sometimes an elusive goal.
To help me with my time management and my project completion ratio, she made a list. Every husband is familiar with the honeydoo list.
She didn’t want to make it too burdensome, so she only put a few things on the list. Maybe four or five chores.
I looked over the list and said I thought it was achievable. But I failed to go over the terms of the list. See, I thought it was a “till the end of the year” list. I didn’t realize it was a “till the end of the day” list.
I’m also used to my chore menu having a supplemental “if” section: “If” I can find the tools. “If” we have the money. “If” I have time. “If” I feel like it.
When I make a list like that, I also build in rewards. Check off an item, have a cigar. Check off another, take a nap. Check off another, watch a movie. There were no rewards on Jennie’s list. There was no time for that.
I told her about the incentive plan that was lacking, so she tricked me into thinking there was one. She said, “OK, if you spend one hour cleaning your office, we can watch a movie.”
After two hours, I said I thought my hour was up. She said, “We’re not stopping now. Just look how much nicer the room looks.”
I’m not the one who was bothered by it in the first place.
After cleaning the office, putting new brakes on the car, power washing the house, making dinner, painting three rooms, shampooing the carpets, hooking up a new dishwasher and overhauling her car engine, she finally let me take a break.
I told her that I get to make the next list. And first on the list is the “if” section. I’ll make the list “if” I get around to it.
She went to her desk and pulled out a wooden disk. Printed one side were the letters TUIT. “Now you have a round tuit,” she said.
I can’t win.

© Copyright 2017 by David Porter who can be reached at porter@ramblinman.us. Next weekend sounds like a good time for a business trip.